RoadKill-Blog

2 Sides to the Dark Side

September 25th, 2011

The Dark Side is a place where all your dreams can come true. There are people from all walks of life who would love to talk to you, a culture for staying healthy and fit, that promotes a strong body, and costumes to train in the theatrics of self expression. We are open 24 hours a day. Oh! And we have cookies!

Hate to break it to you, but we lied; about the cookies, yes, but not about the other stuff as well!. There are many people who come to the Dark Side, from all backgrounds and cultures, and yes they would love to talk to you in order to gauge your strengths and weaknesses. Staying fit and healthy is a must if you are to survive here. Many have fallen simply because they couldn’t keep up with their peers. The costumes and role-play is the most enjoyed facet of the Dark Side. Gloating about masterful plans, assuming a role of leadership, and reaching your potential are all perks. And we are opened 24 hours a day, so feel free to join.

Tags: Cookies, Dark Side, RK T-Shirts
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The Three Stages of a Cereal Killer

September 18th, 2011

A cereal killer is one who kills cereal, and can be characterized as having done any action that effectively eliminates the breakfast. Today we will be looking at the type of killer that is attracted to eating it; in other words the term eating-as-killing will be explained. The three stages to be included in this post will be the “Child Killer”, the “Butcher”, and the “Smooth Criminal”.

The “Child Killer” ranges in the infant to teenage range and usually consumes cereal as an alternative to cooking. This type of killing is “innocent” to the person as they find it convenient and it provides them with a sugar rush. This is the first stage and the factors that lead them to kill cereal (convenience and the rush) is the gateway that leads them to the second stage.

The ages of the “Butcher” overlaps with that of the “Child Killer”, from teens to young adults. The “Butcher” is so named for the quantity of cereal that is consumed in a given week. In this stage the person is likely in College or just beginning a career and needs to find cheap food that keeps them up at all times of the day. Mixed with the nutritional value of cereal and one can see why this particular food is the unfortunate preferred choice. After a while, when the killer is more stable financially and more advanced in age, the psychological need to kill is altered.

The last stage is the “Smooth Criminal”. The age range is from mid-life adult to senior citizen. This killer is characterized of using cereal to their own ends, namely in the toilet. Fiber and other nutrients are consumed with great pleasure as this keeps them regular. This phase is the most pleasurable for the killer as the prospect of release later gives them the ultimate high.

Show your true colors at RK

Tags: Cereal Killer, Pseudo Science, RK T-Shirts
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Upon Further Inspection

September 11th, 2011

When it comes to understanding the complexities of human psychology no one does it better than the proverbial troll, in fact it is their hobby to understand what pisses people off and providing that impetus for the entertainment of themselves firstly and anyone else who understands the humor secondly.

For those of you who have become attracted to this recreational activity– although some do it professionally–then this shirt spotlight is for you. ” I’M MULTI-TALENTED. I CAN TALK AND PISS YOU OFF AT THE SAME TIME” is great because the setup is a troll in itself. It’s discovering the ability to troll by claiming it a talent and relaying it in a manner which is the essence of trolling.

Before there was the internet, people primarily used their voices to piss people off, so this shirt will allow you to get back to the source of the discipline: the IRL troll.

Tags: IRL Troll, RK, Shirt
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Brooding Storm Trooper

August 17th, 2011

I was a storm trooper, number 359 if I remember correctly,

But what will never leave me is that fateful day.

Assigned patrol duty, a seemingly endless pageantry,

I broke rank to steal a few moments away,

From everyone because I thought I needed space.

Is it not enough that I am a bloody clone?

Made entirely up of a singular race,

Thinking to myself always made me feel alone,

Unique and in control of my identity.

For when someone messes up and is punished,

It is you that is going through the misery,

Of course the feelings aren’t diminished,

When an act of bravery has occurred.

There comes a point where a crisis begins to set

Where the existential is concerned.

Being a clone is like amassing an infinite debt

Whereby a vast amount of money is available

But after a while the materialism fades

And liberty becomes something beyond

That of infinity.

The hull was breached, surely they could never reach

The very small duct that lead straight to the core

Of the Death Star.

No of course they did, which is when I bid,

My fellows adieu as I ran to the door

Death, for me, was far.

Taking five, to explore and feel alive

Allowed me to discover my secret floor;

Where there was an escape car.

I jettisoned off, only to realize and scoff

As the space station exploded, I was away

Only to feel like tar.

I had friends on that Death Star, with glum

I sat and drifted far, only to understand the sum,

Of the many to the one.

Tags: Poem, roadkilltshirts, Star Wars, Storm Trooper
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The power of STUPID

July 27th, 2011

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Take As Prescribed

July 24th, 2011

Now days there are pills and medicine for everything; the newest one being a roadkilltshirts exclusive, the “I don’t care” pill. Yup, you heard us, whenever you’re in class, or at work, or even talking to your significant other these babies will do the trick. Make sure to pop one for a nice relaxing stupor, two to zone out, and three to not give a fuck. Warning: you must be careful when not giving a fuck because it will make you literally not care about anything, just ask Amy Winehouse .

Because I love you.

Tags: amy winehouse, pills, roadkilltshirts, tshirt
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Might As Well…

July 19th, 2011

I Want You To

Uncle Sam says, “Drink Up Bitches” because this debt ceiling ain’t going nowhere . One side wants more taxes and the other side wants less spending; anyone who has balanced a budget knows that you need to get both revenue and reduce spending for it to work. Hell, if you want to balance anything it requires an equilibrium of two sides. That is why you should “Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups”, they won’t ever fail to surprise you.